Misinterpretations
by Hell Jashin
Summary: “You.. You… you little dick!” Hidan screamed, pointing an accusing finger at Itachi.Itachi raised an eyebrow in return. “Is there a reason you’re insulting my dick?” Complete?
1. You Bastard!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto.

**Warnings: **implied yaoi

**Title: **Misinterpretations

**Pairings: **ItaHid

**A/N: **First time writing humor. R and R please.

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"You.. You… you little dick!" Hidan screamed, pointing an accusing finger at Itachi.

Itachi raised an eyebrow in return. "Is there a reason you're insulting my dick?" he questioned as he lowered his eyes towards his groin, making his movements obvious before examining his nails and finally settling his stare at the furious Jashin worshipper standing in front of him.

Kisame bursted out laughing from his seat in the living room, at his partner's logic. He always thought it was impossible to pull off such a question with a calm expression, but somehow Itachi managed to do so.

Hidan glared at the shark, before fixating it on Itachi. He growled.

"oh.. Fuck you, Red-eye..Fuck you!"

Itachi's lips perked slightly although it was only his partner that noticed.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" the smug look the Uchiha was presenting gave the smaller man a simple craving to rip off the Sharingan user's dick and feed it to Itachi.

Hidan sneered. "Curse you, Red-eye. I'd rather rip your dick off and shove it down your throat!"

Itachi shrugged. "I'd prefer shoving it down your throat." That sentence further complied to the latter's fury. Kisame wasn't taking the situation very well either. His hand was tightly sealed over his mouth in a failed attempt to shut up.

Hidan rolled up the sleeves of his Akatsuki cloak. "Oh, you are going to get it… you are so going to get it asshole!" He hands had been balled into tight fists.

"Am I?" the prodigy inquired. Itachi was still seated on the loveseat right next to Kisame.

Hidan merely grunted holding the other teen's gaze.

"My room or yours?" Itachi asked. Hidan, upon hearing the _offer _did an overtake and glared incredulously at Itachi.

"Shut up Uchiha! What the hell's your problem? You are one perverted mother fucker!"

"I've never fucked my mother." Itachi pointed out. "Despite how perverted you may think I am," he added as an afterthought.

"Arghh! Just.. Shut up and give me my Jashin necklace back!" the white haired male demanded.

'What makes you assume that I have it?" Itachi asked, as he _shifted _on the loveseat. "Besides, it could have been any other member, why assume me?"

"Because! You're the only one who loves to piss me off! No one else bothers!"

"How would you know?"

"Oh.. I'd just love to see your blood splatter out your body, you bitch!" the albino muttered in response.

"And I'd just love to see my cum running down your thighs mixed with your blood." Itachi concluded as he flashed Hidan a smirk. "Wouldn't that be lovely, Hidan-_kun_?"

"Fuck, what gives! Just give me my fucking necklace back and I'll fuckin' leave you alone." the albino said. His face had been colored in a pale pink slightly from anger and frustration.

Hidan noticed the pompous asshole wore an arrogant smirk that he'd give anything to wipe off. What Itachi said next almost killed him. "Say please."

"WHAT?! You douche bag! What the fuck do you fucking want from me?!" He just flipped.

"Say please."

Kisame's laughing didn't help much. He knew how stoic his partner could get in any situation. But he had to say, no matter how funny it was- he felt pity for Hidan to have to put up with this.

Hidan grumbled. He fucking needed that pendant for his god damn ritual!

"I need my fuckin' pendant back, _please_?" _you lying, cheating, fucking, dickweed of a bastard._

Itachi grinned as he allowed his arms to slide from his sleeve, to the inside of his cloak. Hidan noticed he was fumbling with something, before he heard a zipper.

In less than a minute, Itachi retrieved both arms and his left hand held the circular pendant adored with a triangle in the center.

Realization washed over Hidan like a tidal wave and his face was laced in disgust and disbelief.

Kisame, on the other hand, was on his knees clutching his stomach while banging a fist on the table laughing as if it were his last time doing so. Tears escaped his eyes as he rolled on the floor.

Hidan was at loss for words. He pointed a shaking finger at the amused Uchiha.

"It's still warm Hidan. Take it." said Itachi.

"You Bitch! I'll Kill You! I Will Fucking Kill You!" the albino swore.

"Are you sure you don't want it, Hidan?" the Uchiha smirked.

"I'm… fine." the albino grounded out.

"You sure are fine, Hidan," Itachi said with a grin, as he pivoted across the room to avoid the scythe launched at him.

_**Owari…**_


	2. Bastards

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

**Pairings: ItaHi.**

**A/N: Okay so the last chapter said 'Owari', but I decided to continue this with various ItaHi. moments... more like a run-on fanfic. Sequels.. in a way. Enjoy!**

"So you're telling me...." pause... "that Itachi stole your Jashin pendant..." another pause.."and he used it for something _personal._ Am I correct, Hidan?" Pein, the Akatsuki leader questioned.

Hidan nodded.

"And how would you define personal in this case?"

Hidan sputtered. "He- he.. I-... He just used it for something fuckin' personal, okay!!!"

Pein quirked an eyebrow. "If you don't explain it Hidan, I wouldn't know how far as to punish Itachi, if it were necessary."

The Jashin worshipper dug his face into his palms from his seat in front of the leader's desk. "That bastard!" he pointed at the door, "... he.. he.. argh!!! I can't say it. It's fuckin' embarrassing!" He slouched into his chair.

"Hm.. would you like me to call Itachi in?" Pein asked. "I'm fairly sure he would do a fine job at explaining things, seeing as he's blunt as ever."

"I don't give a shit! He already fucked up my ritual!" Hidan screamed.

"Itachi." As if on cue, the door opened and in walked Uchiha Itachi.

"Yes, Leader-sama?" Itachi's voiced was leveled between amusement and serene calmness.

"Please explain to me why Hidan is acting like a three-year old tramatized child."

"I took his pendant," Itachi replied.

Hidan interrupted immediately. "Took?! TOOK?! You fuckin' stole it, you bitch!!!"

"Bitch?" Itachi questioned. "A bitch is a submissive human being, Hidan. I, in other words, am not a bitch. I'm too pretty to be one, as you can see." He smirked.

Pein stared in mild amusement, before interrupting.

"Itachi. I also heard from him," he gestered at a fuming immortal, "that you used it for something...._ personal_. Am I correct?" the leader asked.

Itachi nodded.

"And what might this _personal _thing be?"

"I decorated my dick with it." Itachi responded, smirking.

"Ahh..." Both noticed the leader tried to hold in a laugh by plastering an amused smile.

Hidan stared increduously. "What the fuck are you smiling at?! I just knew this shit would fucking happen!! Why did I even bother coming to this dickweed?!"

"I do believe Itachi has done nothing wrong," the leader concluded, ignoring Hidan's comment, "therefore, he will not be punished."

"What the fuck?! And you fuckin' call yourself 'Leader'. Don't be bullshitting me! Arghh...!! Forget it! I'll die before this shit is over!"

"You can't _die _Hidan," Itachi stated.

The albino just groaned and banged his head on Leader's desk.. ranting about how he would fuckin' kill Itachi before it was all over.

**A/N: I hope this cleared up where the pendant went. ^^ Drop a review!**


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